There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
