just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
