I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
