Well apparently he's into motor boating.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How external is "for external use only"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
