every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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