I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
