I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
