I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
