as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
