wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Randomize
