over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
