Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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