ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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