That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
