Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
