sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
