That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
