were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
