Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize