I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
