The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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