We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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