I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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