you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
