Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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