A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize