Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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