By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
where are my eyebrows?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
