i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
