So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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