dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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