Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize