as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
cat food counts as protein by the way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
