he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want her autograph on my taint
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
