That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
