so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
