We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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