$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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