i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
