all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
