we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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