i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
