dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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