hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
