do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
