i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Boobs speak an international language.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
