I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize