No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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