I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Even my vagina gasped.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
