What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
