2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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