And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
