So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
