There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
