Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
