I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
