I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize