I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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