We're like a lot better than the average bears
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize