i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
