i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
