So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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