My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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