Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
