Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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