when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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