oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
