i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
