You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
