so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
