my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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