I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
