The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
