i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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