But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize