how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
