walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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