my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
