Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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