Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
