Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
