I'm so fucking centered right now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
