While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
