Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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