he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
