Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We left an ass print on the piano.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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