it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
