I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
