Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
