Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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