community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
