WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
