i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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