she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
