My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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